We're on our way!

Our home study should be finished this next week.  This is exciting!  It has taken about two months, which is normal.  But our poor social worker, Tom had to change some of what he had already done when we switched from Ethiopia to Eastern Europe. 

Also, we just received our passports today!  So as soon as our home study is done and our agency reviews it, the social worker will make a final draft and we will turn that in with the first dossier"dah-see-ay" In Anna's country, there are two dossiers required.  The first one is mostly forms and committments, and the second one is the biggy that goes to Court.  The agency will review the dossier for errors, make copies and then forward it to their coordinator in country who will translate it, have it notarized and submit it to the Committee in the region where she is from (this will take about 3 weeks.)   Then, it can take anywhere from two to eight weeks before they officially register us as prospective adoptive parents and give us a travel date to go and meet Anna!  After we make the first trip to meet her and accept the "referral," then they schedule the court hearing that we have to attend, which is two to four months later.  After court, we take her to the US Embassy in to get permission to bring her to the US.  Then we get to come home.  So the 2nd trip can either be short (if we want to come back home after court then return 10 days later) or long if we can wait things out there (there's a 10 day waiting period from court to Embassy.)  If we end up doing the latter scenerio, one of us can leave after 5 days.  It sounds like they will occasionally waive the 10 day wait requirement.  Oh, we can only hope.  It would sure save us a lot of money and time away from our kids!

So, did you get all of that? :) Lots of details.  Hang on, it's going to be a wild ride!  But so, so worth it when we have her home with us. You really have to take everything in stride in international adoption because you have NO CONTROL! But the Lord does. We know it will all happen in His time. We just hope we can get her home by the end of the year so we can get our $13,000 adoption tax refund next year! We'll sure need it. :)

Introducing...

"Anna" Fillmore

Born in Eastern Europe in June of 2005
"Refused" by her mother because she has Down Syndrome.
Raised in an orphanage for nearly five years, where she was a favorite among the staff.

Healthy, active, affectionate, capable, sociable

and soon to be
ours.

It all started last year, shortly after our baby, Eli was born.  Even though we had a little baby, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that another little person needed our family...and soon! Most of our kids are

around 3 years apart, so this was unusual and it drove me crazy.  I was exhausted and didn't want to think about it.

It wasn't long before things started happening in our lives that started me thinking about international adoption. Within a month's time we found out about different families, all friends from different parts of our lives, that were all in the process of international adoption.  Two from China, one from Ethiopia and one from Ghana. All at the same time! All of these friends were similar to us...they had 3, 4 or 5 children and were just raising their families.  Almost out of the blue they had very real impressions and experiences that led them to know that there was a child, somewhere in another country who their family needed to bring home. I was so fascinated by this and every time I heard their stories, I would think about it more and more.

On Thanksgiving weekend, my sister, Michelle and I went out running near the condos where we were staying.  We got into a conversation about how God answers prayers in very specific ways.  Michelle then confided in me that the spirit told her one night that they had a daughter in Ethiopia.  When she said this, I got chills and immediately thought, "This cannot be coincidence.  How did she know that this has been on my mind so much lately?" Both of us were relieved that we finally had someone we could talk to about what was going on in our heads.  We talked about all the concerns that come with adoption, raising kids of another race, family issues, all we could fit into that little space of time. There was a LOT to consider and discuss.

On the way home from our trip, I brought it up with Jeremy.  At the time, the economy was taking a big toll on his business and he was just trying to pay his office rent and bring in enough to feed the family.  As the breadwinner, that was first and foremost on his mind every day. So, his main concern was not whether or not we could handle it mentally, but how we would pay for it. It was just too overwhelming to go there.

Well, from that weekend on, it was ALL I could think about.  I wanted so much to put it out of my mind, but I couldn't.  I would pray about it and ask the Lord to please help me think about other things if this is not what he wanted us to do.  But the thoughts just kept coming and coming.  Every time Jeremy and I  had a little time without the kids around, I would bring it up.  He would say, "That would be awesome, really. Maybe some day."

Then, one Sunday night in January, after Jeremy had spent the day fasting (we do this once a month in our faith) I was sitting in the kitchen and he came in and said, "Maybe we should start praying about this adoption idea. I think it's something worth exploring."  I was floored.  HE had actually been thinking about it that day. I could hardly sleep that night, my mind was racing so much.

We started praying about it every day with the kids, and individually.  The kids were ALL OVER the idea.  They loved the idea of having a cute little African girl in the family.  Of course, they aren't old enough to worry about all the challenges that come with adoption, so it was a no-brainer for them.   But their faith made us more excited, that's for sure.

Now that Jeremy was on board with the idea, I started freaking out a little.  I had to go through some major soul searching.  And I mean MAJOR.  Nothing like I have ever experienced.  I had long talks with my friends who were adopting, and my sister, too, who was going through the same turmoil I was.  There were days when I wanted to back out on the whole idea.   I was so scared...not really about raising a child born through another mother, but sadly I was mostly scared about how people's opinions of us would change.  I hated that it felt so right...but only when I thought about our family living in this big bubble with no one judging us.  I hated that I cared what others thought.  I mean, does it really matter? But then I would think about the child who the Lord was leading us to, and couldn't bear the thoughts of turning back.

The answer, when it finally came, was a definite "yes." Actually, looking back I think we knew the answer all along.  Jeremy and I had some really special experiences that we couldn't deny. It brought us closer as a couple than we had ever been. Every day, every week, it became more and more real. This was definately what God wanted us to do.

We figured that the best thing to do at this point was just take the big LEAP off the cliff.  It wasn't all going to fall in our lap.  We would have to show the Lord that we were willing to step out in faith.  We didn't know how the money would come.  But we just felt at peace that it would start falling in to place. We took money out of our savings account to pay for our home study and started the process.

We decided we would join my sister's family and bring home a baby girl from Ethiopia. I had read so many scary adding children to your family out of birth order, so I really wasn't open to a baby over two years old. We were excited that our daughter would have a little cousin from the same country, and truly fell in love with Ethiopia and her people. We found a great agency and gave them the first big chunk of money to get the ball rolling (again, from our savings account...yikes!) I spent weeks getting everything together for the Ethiopian dossier while Jeremy worked as hard as he could to get his business rolling again.

The problem was, the more I thought about being on a big, long waiting list for a healthy baby, the more I didn't feel right about it.  For one, we already had a baby.  I was the farthest thing from "baby hungry" as it gets.  Also, in some weird way, it didn't feel right that the baby that we would eventually adopt would have gone to the next person in line if we had not been there. In other words, the "paper-ready" babies under two who are in the orphanages of Ethiopia will almost surely have a mommy and daddy in line, waiting to bring them into their homes and love them.  Well, what it came down to was just an uneasy feeling, like it just wasn't what the Lord had in mind for us. We started opening up to the idea of an older girl, maybe 3-5 years old.  One that, for whatever reason, was not available for adoption as a baby.  But was now, and needed us.  This felt more right to us, but the thought was so scary because we knew that, the older the child, the more "issues."

I started researching "older child adoption" on the internet.  Then one day, I typed "waiting children" in the Google search bar.  It was here that I found a website that would change our entire course. It's called Reece's Rainbow. It's an organization that helps find families for orphans all over the world (mostly in Eastern Europe) with Down Syndrome and other medical or physical conditions. In many countries, it's either impossible for these children to be raised by their parents, or the parents just don't want to keep them for fear of social rejection.  So they give them away at birth.  It's just what they do there.

I kept going to the website, looking into the sweet little faces and reading the profiles of all these precious children, wondering if there's any way we could handle a child with special needs. It was an overwhelming thought. It definately wasn't something we were used to, I mean all of our kids are as "typical" as they come, if there is such a thing.  For weeks, I honestly didn't have the guts to take it any further than just looking. But one day I got the guts up and talked to Jeremy about it.  I was surprised that he was very open to it. His sister has a daughter who is mentally handicapped, so he definitely has a heart for people with special needs. We talked about the trial it would be to have a child with Down Syndrome, but also how wonderful it would be!  We agreed that people who have that extra chromosome are such a blessing to everyone who knows them. They spread sunshine wherever they go and teach everyone so much. I actually recalled a time, probably ten years ago when Jeremy told me that he thought it would awesome to have a child with Down Syndrome.  I remember saying, "Shhhh..don't say that!  Now we're going to be sent one!"  So funny.

Anyway, we started praying about it, and boy, did we ever feel like this is where the Lord had lead us. It felt so right.  I kept thinking we should be more scared, but we aren't.  There's nothing to be afraid of.  I would read the blogs of people who had children with DS and they weren't depressed people.  They were grateful for that extra chromosome! They wouldn't trade it for anything!

My 11-year-old, Sadie and I would sit at the computer together every day after school and scroll through the pictures.  She just knew her sister was on this website.  She had fallen in love with Down Syndrome.  It was really cute.

One day while Sadie was off at her friend's house after school, I found a post on the Reece's Rainbow discussion group.  It was written by a woman who had fallen in love with one of these orphans and was hoping that this girl's "mommy" would read her post.  She was excited to announce that this little girl now had an updated photo and information.  This woman's family wasn't in the position to adopt, so she just wanted to find her a family. She put a link to the little girl's profile on her post, like a lot of people do who are advocating for these little ones.

I decided I'd check it out.  I clicked the link and saw her updated picture for the first time.  Little Tatiana, with sparkly eyes and ponytails. My first thought was that she looks like what Sadie probably would have looked like if she had Down Syndrome.  I stared at her little face and saw a bright, beautiful child who would make anyone happy. I started reading the info about her, looking for something that would tell me it would be too hard for us, like a major health problem that needed surgery or something.  But there was nothing.  I sat there and thought "She's almost too good to be true.  OK.. she's older than I've been comfortable with.  That's a concern.  But oh, my.  I feel like I know her."  I'm not exaggerating.  I honestly recognized her. 

An agency worker in Russia had recently visited her orphanage and talked with her caretaker about her. The caretaker spoke so warmly about her, and said that she was a favorite at the orphanage. She had been raised in a "baby house" until recently and because she is so high- functioning, at age four (when she normally would have gone to an institution) they moved her to a preschool orphanage with typical children who only have eye sight issues. (She needs glasses.) They had high hopes for this little sweetie.

After reading all the great things about her, I sat and stared at her photo. Then I stood up and started cleaning the kitchen so I could sort of "shake myself" back to reality.  Suddenly, the tears started flowing. The Spirit spoke very clearly to my heart that this was our girl.  I couldn't believe what was happening.  I called my 11-year-old daughter at her friend's house and told her to come home because I think I just found her sister.  "Really?"  She quietly squealed so her friend wouldn't hear her.  Then she ran home fast and came in to take a look.  She sat down at the computer and covered her mouth and started shaking.  "Oh my gosh, Mom.  She is soooo adorable.  Do you really think she's the one?" 

"Yeah, I think so." The impression was so strong that I even e-mailed Jeremy and told him that I found our daughter.  He had already left to come home, so he didn't see it.  But when he came home I had him look at her and told him my thoughts.  He was instantly smitten as well.  And so were the rest of the kids when they saw her.  In a matter of hours, a little girl whom we had never seen in this life, had worked her way right into our hearts and we knew we would do everything we could to to bring her home to us.  

One thing that we know is that Anna is going to give us so much more than we will ever give her. Yeah, things will be challenging.  But isn't that what we're here for?  Our greatest joy in life happens as a result of challenges.  But even knowing that, we know she won't be a burden.   We are honored that God would allow us to bring her into our family.  We feel lucky!  A few years ago, you never could have convinced me that we would step out of our "normal" lives in this way. But we know we have been lead to this for reasons that are much bigger than our understanding. We also know that Anna is going to bring sunshine and joy like we've never known...as a child and as an adult, too! We are grateful for the miracle that has taken place: That the spirit has slowly changed us, one little concept at a time, and prepared us for this calling from our Heavenly Father. To provide one of his perfect, celestial spirits with a family.